bellascribe

Having spent over two years playing detective, researching, and stressing myself thereby which is something definitely not to do, I avoid medical sleuthing any more. This is probably on second thought not so wise as my latest experience, the topic of this post, bears out. However, but what to do, the vicious cycle — limited energy, urgency, fear, frustration, stress… Also, bitterness, i.e. $$ [thousands] owed to the Mayo Clinic, all the travel there, and for what end gain? To have the latest expert here call it (the Mayo Clinic) a gimmick, miffed that my internal MD sent me there instead of here, to him, and as I recall now, the timeline of it all, the referral to the Mayo came while I was hospitalized here, last November — so why didn’t any of the other MDs on the team pipe up about him then, about this my new guy? Indeed, it seems, from what I read last night (now we are making our way back to the topic) when I had the MRA done, wait that was even earlier, a full year earlier, at least! but same hospital, the results then of that test coming up with vasculitis, should be brought back out into the light. A week ago as I passed the New Books section at the library, Women and Autoimmune Disease, (Robert G. Lahita, m.d., ph.d) caught my eye. Why not skim through it? I skimmed last night; this is what I read: small vessel vasculitis caused by antibiotics or antidepressants What?! No other reference to this in the book; and no one has ever, ever mentioned this anywhere along the line, not even when I first went to the ER with the mysteriously swelled up right foot and then teensy purple spot on my toe, which precipitated the entire thing — what I think of as the start of these past years of this whole debilitating falling apart — which is exactly what I was trying to head off. Okay, breathing. Over and over I — we — kept asking, everyone, everywhere, what about the effect of all the antidepressants — could that have anything to do with things? Breathing. Breathing. Follow my breath. Research, write, later.